Shouldn't be here.

[Pixador]

Allright.. I've been awake for way too long, so I'm writing a "blog" to try and empty my brain and sleep. So here goes...

I broke my arm skateboarding like, 4 or so years ago. Broke my arm is the wrong description. Shattered my elbow. That's the right description. I fell from the coping of a 9.5 foot deep bowl, landing in the concrete flat with my left arm under my body. When I tried to pick myself up it made a horrible sucking noise and curled up to my body and I couldn't move it. Because I used to be much more arrogant and stubborn, I didn't go to the doctor. I thought with rest, my injury would heal. Because, even though by this point in my skate-life I had been seriously injured several times, it couldn't be that bad, right? So after a month of my arm in a sweatshirt safety-pinned to my chest I finally conceded to hospitals. And surgery, where they removed the sharp fragments of the cartilliage that're supposed to support your bicep tendon. The fragments that, over the course of said month, had severed my bicep tendon. A reconstructed tendon and bio-degradable pin in my arm later and I was released for my year of physical therapy. This is therapy just to move my arm again, just to be able to do things like open jars and cut bagels. So for my foolishness I got a lumpy, scarred and irrevocably damaged elbow and a skeletal crooked arm. I was in hell.

Fast forward a few years and the decade I have been skating is really wearing on my body. I creak when I walk down stairs, I feel like a grandpa when I get out of bed. I don't love skateboarding any less than ever, but am forced to acknowledge that it only damages my body. So; I skate a little less, and skate differently (no more handrails) and search for something else to diverge my energy into. I find Tai Ji, which gives me this whole new sense of myself. Also, my knees are feeling better than ever, and I'm going apeshit with extra energy. So Tai Ji spills into Kickboxing. I got a homie who's got a homie who's this incredible martial artist. I ask what he does and they tell me MMA and Capoeira. I had heard of Capoeira and was down, but ignorant. The dude, Graxinha takes me to my first class. I fuck up the ginga, do my first queixada's and cocorinha. I like it but am not really pickin' it up, you know? But then we have a roda. OH FUCK I cannot describe (nor do I need to, to a bunch of capoeiristas) this feeling I get. I knew I was hooked. So I practice as much as I can, unfortunately missing a lot of class due to bullshit work. Then Mestre Cicero comes, and by now I've been playing seriously for 1 month. I learn what I can, but a lot of what he tries to teach me is beyond my physical limitations. But the mind is ready and willing, and I never leave his side for the entire workshop he gives. Mestre asks me how long I've played and I tell him, "Only one month, Mestre" He says "1 year?" "No no mestre, only one month." And he gives me this astonished look, and calls me a liar!!! My friends tell him I'm not lying, and he gives me some super inspirational and motivating compliments. By now capoeira has taken over my life. 6 or so months later and it has only entrenched itself further in my heart. I am a capoeira till death.

I guess the point of this ramble is that, sparing the gory details, most everything in my life is all kinds of shitty. Capoeira is the best thing going for me. This is in no way an exaggeration, if anyone wants the gory details for proof just ask. I wish I could play everyday, all day. But my prematurely aged body doesn't allow this. So every once in a while I have to take a day off to heal my arm/knees. When I don't play or train I freak out. I get all kinds of weird, life just doesn't feel right, and I drink a lot. So this website is kind of a god-send. Today (my one day off this week and yeah, I was feelin' weird) I spent most of my time on this site reading, thinking and watching what we all love, CAPOEIRA!

Congratulations if you made it through this shit. You know more about Pixador!

[Pocahontas]

Thanks for sharing so much Pixador. Funny thing is capoeira was everything to me before I broke my elbow in the roda getting my second belt 6 months ago. Surgery, wire, pins, and physical therapy later, my arm is fine and functional but I still can't do a lot of things in capoeira that I used to be able to.

I'm hoping to figure out where capoeira and I stand--I want to remember what it felt like when I first started training.

After reading this, though, I'm sure I can find another perspective. In fact, I need to. And that's what I've vowed to do in '08.

Pocahontas

[bea]

waw, really astonishing story and i must say i understand you totally.
capoeira measn the world to me. many people around me don't get it, cause they simply just are not into it enough. you have to live capoeira everydayto feel it.

i was crazy about it from the start and i though my enthusiasm will pass, as many times in my life when i came across a new interesting stuff. but after 4 years it's still here. and getting into new deeper levels.
when i hurted my knee and had operation and i couldn't play capoeira for 3 months i was devastated!! i could not bare the though of NOT playing. so i started after 1 month.
so you see... i do understand you! =)
it's simple..capoeira is something amazing!!!

[Espelho]

I know what you mean! When we don't have classes because of holidays or whatever I am so depressed! Capoeira is the best thing going on in my life, too. I hope to be able to play Capoeira for the rest of my life.

[Mike Saudino]

Hah! You've got some guts, man. I see my chiropractor when I dislocate something.

But I know what you mean. I'm no drinker, but I get crazy neurotic if I don't train. It's like a bad case of withdrawal.

And if your life is better because Capoeira's a part of it, Capoeira's better because you're a part of it.

Axe for circular reasoning!

[mariah g]

Oh menino...that elbow thing sounds painful!!! Mine hurts just thinking about it...